We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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