Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wear drunk well.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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