big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
