I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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