So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
