I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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