guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize