if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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