The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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