Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
