Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
