It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
