I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize