she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
