I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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