You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
