Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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