Your mouth is God's brothel.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Text me some of your sweat
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