YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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