so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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