Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
