There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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