Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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