I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Everyone says I win the strip club
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
