im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
