I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
