Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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