got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
