counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
