I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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