dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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