Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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