Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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