In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
