On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
