The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
