they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
