Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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