You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
