I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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