Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
