it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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