We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
