Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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