opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
