Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
