If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
