omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
