The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
