The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
