he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
