What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He kissed a someone with a penis
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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