I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
