weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
