so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
