I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
