I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize