i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
