drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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