at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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