dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
