i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
