she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
