R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
