Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
