She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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