all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
