he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
