Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
