I'm gonna have a badass scar
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize