I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
