i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
