Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
