Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Your dad touched me again.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
