They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Randomize
