I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
well you can't waste a boner
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
