I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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