did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
