I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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