theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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