I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
