you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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