They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
