I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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