I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
