i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
