no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
