He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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