if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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