I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
