Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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