The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
