your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
