you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
