1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize