OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
