Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
