I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
